Longing and Belonging

A Very Interesting Beginning

My mom had led an interesting life even before she met my dad. Mom was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma, on November 4, 1938. Her name was Marguerite Spielburger. She wasn't given a middle name. I remember her telling me that it seemed like the longest name to write, especially for a kindergartner just learning her letters! From what I've been told, her dad was an alcoholic and her mom eventually left him. Her mom remarried and her second husband turned out to be a not-nice guy. When my mom was 3 years old, my great grandfather was very concerned about my mom, as he felt that her father was abusive, so he decided it would be best to send my mom to boarding school. I think she stayed in boarding school until she was about 7 years old. She was a well-behaved and beautiful child, but I can't really imagine what this experience must have been like for her at such a young age. I know she went home at times, but not very frequently. She often told us about how independent she was. She told us that, even at 5 years old, she would take the city bus into town (by herself!) and ride it to the movie theater. Then she would have just enough from her money (a quarter I think!) to buy popcorn and watch 2 movies back to back and then get back on the bus and go home. It's hard to believe that a 5 year old would actually survive something like this, isn't it?

My mom holding her doll and posing with her mother.

Another picture of my mom. Not sure how old she was here.

I think this was a school picture but not sure of her exact age here.

She loved to Sing and Play the Piano

My mom always had a beautiful singing voice and performed even when she was at the boarding school. Later, she learned to play the piano and did so for the rest of her life; we all loved hearing her play. And even in her later years she continued to take lessons and even would play for people who were in assisted living and nursing homes. She just loved to play, and she really enjoyed it even more when she had an audience.

My mom performing on a stage at the boarding school.

The Only Daddy She Ever Really Knew

When she was 9 years old, her mother remarried. Her new husband's name was Harry, and my mom adored him. They stayed married until Harry passed away many years later from a heart attack. They had 3 daughters who became sisters for my mom, but somehow she always sort of felt on the outside of the family. I think because she was 12 years old when the first of those three daughters was born and the three sisters were very close in age. This feeling of isolation became an ongoing issue in her life, resulting in her always feeling that she didn't belong anywhere.

From left to right, you see my aunt Susie and my aunt Sally sitting on Harry's (my granddad's) lap and the youngest, my aunt Nancy is being held by my grandmother, Mary Lou. My mom is on the end of the couch.

She graduated from Will Rogers High School in Tulsa, Oklahoma, when she was 17. She was swept off her feet by my dad at that time and they were married less than 7 weeks after he proposed. (You can read all about the story of their marriage in my previous post about my dad.) My grandmother was concerned about her getting married so young, but Tom impressed her with his expansive plans for the future. My mom loved being in the magic show. I think she really fell in love with Tom's good looks and just how charming he was.

My mom loved babies and had always wanted nothing more than to have a house full of children and raise a family. I don't think she had any idea that Tom wasn't really much of a family guy, but he was willing to let her have as many children as she wanted. My mom was fantastic with babies; I like to think I got some of my skills in that area from her.

She Loved To Sew and Bake

She also loved to sew and to bake. She was an excellent seamstress! (You can see the beautiful wedding dress that she made for herself in the previous post.) Once I was born, she made all of my clothes. Beautiful little dresses with lots of bows and ruffles and buttons were what I wore. I remember lots of collars, too. She put so much work into making my wardrobe. When the boys came, she didn't sew as much for them. She made them pajamas and maybe a vest or something like that. I think she just liked making the frilly things more. When my sister was born she continued to make all of her clothes as well.

As I got older, I detested having to stand still while she pinned something or having to be measured and re-measured. I just wanted to be outside doing something else, or sitting and reading. I could care less about what she was making me. However, my sister Nancy was very different. She loved all the dresses and made over them a lot. My mom just ate that up! I wish now that I had known how much that meant to my mom, but I was a clueless child when it came to people and their feelings. I wish I had been more grateful and interested in what a wonderful thing she was doing for me.

At one point, my mom tried to teach me how to sew. We started with making an apron. I didn't really understand why I needed to learn how to sew, though. I wasn't too interested and she got pretty put out with me. Needless to say we didn't finish the apron. But, when I was in the 9th grade, I took a class called Home Economics. We learned how to cook a meal, set a table, and sew a dress. I did an excellent job and loved the dress I made! I got to pick the fabric, a red paisley print. The dress had a stand-up collar and long sleeves that puffed out at the top and then were slender and fit close to the arm from just above the elbow to the wrist. I loved that dress and wore it as much as I could. My mom was flabbergasted at how well it turned out. I'm not even sure if she really believed that I made it!

This is me in the 9th grade wearing the red paisley dress I made in home economics class.

My mom also love to bake, so we always had something sweet to eat in the house. If she baked a cake, we would each get to lick something. Either we would get one of the beaters to lick or a spoon or the bowl. She made cakes, cookies, and pies galore. She didn't work outside the home at this time when I was growing up; it was always lovely to come home from school and smell her freshly baked goods. She was always ready for us with something to snack on and a glass of milk.

Other than baking, she didn't really like to cook that much but did a decent job for us. She made great fried chicken and meatloaf and on Sundays we would have that or maybe a roast. All of our meals had a meat, a salad, some type of potatoes, and a canned vegetable—almost always canned corn, peas or green beans. And dessert! Dessert was a must for my mom, she loved those sweets! During the week, she would make spaghetti or mac and cheese but we still had some kind of dish with potatoes, and a salad and a dessert. And when we weren't feeling well we always had tomato soup and grill cheese sandwich or sometimes chicken noodle soup and some Sprite.

My mom with my brother Mike and me. You can see one of the cute little dresses she made me!

She loved to sing songs to us and read stories to us. By the time I was 2 years old, I could recite all the nursery rhymes and did so whenever she asked me to. I loved memorizing, even at an early age. I loved to sing with her as well. I know I got my love of music and stories from her. She also loved paper dolls and any dolls for that matter. She bought me several dolls but I was more interested in stuffed animals. She was worried that I didn't like to play with dolls. What was wrong? She thought that meant that I wouldn't be a good mom.

Another lovely dress she made for me. This is in the yard at the parsonage where we lived when we were in Smithville, Texas. A lot of great memories there.

Picture of all of us sitting in my grandmother's living room. My Aunt Sally is there on the floor with us. I'm holding Nancy in my lap and Mike is next to me, Jimmy is in the middle and Steve is on the end. My mom is sitting behind us in the chair and my dad is on the couch.

But what do you know? I was a nanny for over 20 years after my kids were grown because I just love babies so much. And I was an excellent nanny! Of course, I was in my 40s when I started being a nanny, so I had certainly learned a lot about it by then. My poor children had to endure all my incompetencies as a very young mother. But, I have to say that I'm very proud of all of my girls for the way they are living their lives and raising their children. They are much better at being a parent than I was! My son doesn't have any children but that doesn't keep me from being proud of him and what he is doing with his life. And he is a good dad for his beautiful dog.

At one point, before the mission, my parents started a daycare business with another couple. My mom had actually started keeping kids at home when my sister was a baby and this helped with the family income. But the daycare was a different story. It was quite large and a very demanding undertaking. We were all in school at the time (except for Nancy, so she went to the daycare with Mom.) I don't remember a lot about it, but I know it was such a difficult job for her to take care of other children all day and then to take care of her own family as well. I do remember going there after school and getting to watch a small black and white TV along with several other kids. Seemed good to me, but I was young. I think this lasted for less than a year.

Life at the Mission

My mom may not have wanted to be a leader, but it turned out that she was very good at it. She was a very organized person. When we didn't have enough money for furniture at the mission, she came up with the idea of nailing cardboard boxes to the wall to make shelves to hold our clothes. She would place the bottom of the box against the wall and then it would make a shelf to place folded clothes inside of. She also placed lots of different nails on the wall to hold our hangers for hanging clothing. She was excellent at coming up with a way to make more room in our house when it was so small. At one point figured that if we didn't put our mattress on a frame and just put the mattress on the floor, we could then put them up against the wall during the day. We would have nails on either side that would hold a rope to hold it up against the wall and make it stay. Then we would have all that floor space to use during the day.

When we lived in the little 13 foot trailer and after that when we moved into the little tar paper shack, her organization skills were phenomenal! Can you imagine having to organize all the stuff for 7 people in such a small space? She was quite amazing.

My parents, Tom and Margie, in front of the sign at Holy Ground Mission in Texas.

She had a knack for making a dollar stretch, too! She would comb the ads and always find specials. As a child, I never knew or thought about if we were poor or rich, I never felt that I ever had to do without something. I think she was fairly happy most of the time when I was growing up—or at least she was before all the people started moving out to the land. She was excited about having a home in the country to raise her children. It seemed like a great idea! When Tom started putting up signs around the land that said, "Dining Hall" and "Chapel" she didn't really know what to think. I don't think she had any idea when we first moved out there what he had in mind.

After so many people moved to the mission, she became the leader for the women and the counselor. There were people in the house non-stop wanting to talk to my parents. In the Bible, it refers to the notion that the "aged women" would teach the younger women. My mom had no interest in this, but according to what she told me, she was conned into doing it by my dad. Every morning we would have our women's meetings at 5:30 am, while the children and husbands would still be asleep, and we would meet for an hour for prayer and study and just to have time to talk to each other. There was always 100% attendance—you weren't allowed to miss unless you were having a baby or something equally demanding.

Before she passed away, Mom told me that she regretted many of the things she said and did as the women's leader. Many times she would speak very harshly to people and make them cry. At one point, she was sort of proud of this. She felt that, if someone cried, that showed she had really gotten through to you and your crying demonstrated that you were convicted and would change your ways. If you weren't reduced to tears, she seemed to feel that somehow she had been unable to get through to you.

After I got married and was no longer considered her daughter, she seemed to want nothing to do with me. We became very distant, and I felt it was impossible to please her. This was a really big problem because all of the decisions about my life—like what house I got to live in, who I lived with, or which car I got to ride in on the weekly grocery trips with the other women at the mission— were being made by either her or Tom. Those weekly grocery trips was a big thing, since that was our only outing of the week. Everyone wanted to ride in the car that my mom rode in. This wasn't because we were all enamored with her, but because she had all the "news" about anything; if you weren't in that car, you might miss out on something important. She had her favorites, of course, and I wasn't one of them.

My children didn't get to have her as a grandmother growing up because we weren't allowed to have that connection. Once I was married, I had to start calling my parents Tom and Margie, and my children called them that as well. I know that she really regretted this later in life when she finally was able to leave the mission and wanted her grandchildren to know her. but she always felt that whatever efforts she made was just too little too late.

My youngest daughter, Deborah. This was taken when she was maybe 2 or 3 years old.

She did always seem to have a fondness for my youngest daughter, Deborah, who was super cute with her curly red hair and expressive little face. At one point, when we were all living on the mission in Kansas, she actually had Deborah come and stay with her for a week. While Deborah was there, Mom made her some new dresses. I never knew why she did this, but it was a nice memory for sure.

After 45 years of marriage, she decided she had had enough of Tom and got a divorce. My second husband and I helped her and my sister Nancy find jobs and helped them get into their first apartment. However, this didn't last for very long, and for the next several years she went back to him and left him at least 10 more times. The last time she went back to him, I think she really felt sorry for him. He was living in the back of his thrift store, using a hot plate and a microwave for whatever meals he made because he didn't have a kitchen. He didn't look good, and she decided that she would take him back and take care of him until he passed (which was only 4 years later).

Dating Online

After Tom passed away, she started dating online and met the love of her life, Dave. They were married for 7 years before he passed away, and I had never seen her happier. I'm so glad she had that experience. After Dave, she also met Bill who lived in Georgia and they had a great relationship for several years. He owned a lovely home and they lived together there and he also owned a home in Punta Gorda, Florida. He had moved here to Georgia to be near his daughter but after he met mom, he decided to sell this home and move back to Florida. They lived together there until she got cancer and decided to come to Georgia and stay with me.

Mom and her second husband, Dave, on the day they got married.

One of her issues was that she never really felt she belonged anywhere. It seemed like she was constantly looking for what would make her happy. She always seemed to feel like, if she moved somewhere new, that maybe she would find where she belonged. She moved all the time. Sometimes more than once a year. I don't think she lived more than year in any one place.

She loved to move to a new town. She loved having that kind of project. She would find a place, get movers, pack everything up and move sometimes in less than a week. Once she got the idea of where she wanted to move to she never let much time pass. In fact, it was sort of a running joke because, when she would call to tell you about her move, her first words were always, "I've made a decision." We eventually came to know what those words would mean. A lot of her moves were from Georgia to Texas and then back to Georgia. She wanted to be close to either Nancy or me. She always wanted to have a closer relationship with the boys and even tried living close to them too from time to time but as far as I know that closer relationship never really happened with them.

In the years after we left the mission, I really wanted to have a relationship with my mom. I had many issues with her, but after several talks, I felt that she was really sorry and I forgave her. We started talking on the phone every day and our relationship grew. Whenever she needed me I was there for her. She came to live with me when she got cancer and we got through it together. I know she really loved me and she knew I really loved her. We didn't see eye to eye on numerous things, but we were very close and I felt I could talk to her about everything. She was there for me to, many times. There were times when I didn't have money, and if she did, she never hesitated to help me out, and I was the same with her.

At the same time she was talking to me on the phone every day, she was also talking to my sister every day. And, even though my sister and I weren't close, I was able to keep up with her life and she was able to keep up with mine - through mom. She would tell us both about the other. My mom was a catalyst for the relationship that has now become so close between Nancy and me. What a wonderful gift she gave us after she passed! I got my sister back! We love each other so much and try to spend as much time as possible together and talk on the phone every day. It is such a blessing to me.

My mom loved the dating sites on the internet and went on quite a few dates that way. She also liked to give me advice on my love life. I was not as successful as she was. She used to tell me that I was just too picky. I was looking on those dating sites for 8 years! I went on quite a few dates, but nothing ever lasted more than a few weeks. When I first met Cliff, it was 2020 and Covid had just shut most everything down. I was pretty scared of getting Covid and took all the precautions that I could. We didn't get to meet in person for the first month and only talked on the phone or FaceTimed. My mom would hear about all of this, of course. After Cliff and I had talked for just a couple of times, she asked me if I was in love. I told her that I certainly liked him, but I didn't really know if it was love. But, her answer was, "you would know." I thought, well, you would, but I will take a little more time to come to that conclusion.

She Loved To Go To Walmart

One of my mom's favorite things to do was to go to Walmart and JoAnn's. She would really enjoy buying things and then taking them back. She spent as much time returning things as she did shopping. I think it was just the fun of the hunt sometimes and not that she really wanted or needed those things. She continued to sew up until near the end of her life. She loved to make quilts, and many of us in the family have one of her quilts. She also started her own Etsy store and sold aprons. Her store was called, "Aprons to Quilts". She was very industrious.

One of the quilts mom made for me. I love it!

During her very last year of life I believe (and so does my sister) that she made some major changes in her thinking. She seemed to decide that it would be so much better to just accept people for who they were rather then trying to change them. She began to enjoy and appreciate having all of us in her life and started really being happier. She had the best time with us at Christmas that year and was really looking forward to the one. She had found a church home and made some good friends, and my sister and I were really happy for her. But when the cancer returned after a few years of remission, it came back with a vengence and she was gone. I have the most beautiful memories of being with her and I cherish all of them. She died in May of 2020. I miss her every day.

A nice picture of mom at a painting class we went to in Atlanta.